My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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