this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
