I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
