I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize