Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
