If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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