We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize