I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
