he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
