Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
