just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
