I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
