I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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