I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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