k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize