I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
