i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
