i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
