if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize