I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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