the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You made out with two different species that night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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