I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
