You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
