I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
