you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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