Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Floor bacon is actually really good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
