I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
