He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
