remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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