i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry about my life...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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