Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
