If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
