Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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