i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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