i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
