Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
