Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
