I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
