I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
