haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
