Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
