I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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