bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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