i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
