Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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