There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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