i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize