Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
