Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
