i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
