Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize