You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
