I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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