im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
