I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
