just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has the fingertips of a God
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