So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
