I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
