Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
