I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
