I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
