Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
