i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
