Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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