I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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