bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
