He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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