so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
