I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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