I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
