My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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