Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
