I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
