do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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