I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Boobs speak an international language.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
