I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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