Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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