My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize