this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
