you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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