just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
