Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
