Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
